Part 1 : if you need to catch up!
Previous Blog #22: The Shenanigator
“Just Deliver It To My Back Window”
One evening last summer, Chad was covering patio furniture and closing everything up for the night when he saw a shadowy figure appear in our backyard. He watched closely and curiously, as the bobbing head moved around in the dark. Before long, Chad had made his deduction. The figure was, indeed, a Domino’s pizza delivery man traipsing through our yard, a large pizza box in hand. Obviously this was a mistake Chad thought, as it was after 11, and we were heading to bed. Next thing Chad heard was a voice from the back window yelling, “Bring it over here …to my window!” There’s Ian, head sticking out his bedroom window, urging the pizza guy to hand him the pizza. I felt kind of bad for the delivery guy as he stood in the yard, the decision of whether to follow the unusual instructions of a loyal customer, or the rational inquiry from his father. Chad continued to insist that we had never ordered the pizza, while Ian badgered him to bring the pizza to his window as quickly as possible. After all, when Domino’s received the call, those were the specific directions given by Ian. Domino’s didn’t seem to question it, so it makes me wonder if people often have pizzas delivered to their back windows, and if so, I’ve been missing out on something pretty amazing over the years. In the end, Chad quickly explained the situation to the very confused delivery man, and he headed off. Hopefully he was able to eat the pizza while on the way to his next– legit–delivery.
As is characteristic of The Shenanigator, the story doesn’t end there. About an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Chad groggily climbed out of bed in his boxers with earplugs half in – definitely looking like an ‘old’ dad. He opened the door to find a Hudson police officer, stating that there has been a complaint from Domino’s for continued calls from his cell phone. Apparently Ian, who still had one of Chad’s cell phones, was not taking no for an answer. Immediately after his first pizza ‘walked away,’ Ian had proceeded to speed dial Dominos about a hundred times ( not an exaggeration) to request to have that damn pizza delivered to his back window. Credit must be given for determination, that’s for sure.
But wait, there’s more. Moments later, Grace, who had arrived home after working downtown, walked up the sidewalk to find her father, half-naked, standing in front of what apparently is known as Hudson’s “hottie” cop at our front door. I can only imagine all of the crazy thoughts that raced through her head as she approached the scene. The good news is Domino’s did not press charges, and allegedly, they have notes on the Witt account to only take orders placed with a credit card.
Or, at least that’s what we thought.
One Pricey Pizza
When you start your day with a text from an unknown number, sent at midnight, about a pizza you never ordered, you know Ian has been up to something.
Upon waking, this text from Mason, otherwise known as “my Domino’s Pizza delivery guy”, is the first one I see. I literally put my hand over my mouth and began to laugh out loud. I recalled the previous “please deliver it to my back window incident” and wondered how this was even possible. Why is Domino’s delivering pizza, when clearly, they did not get a credit card for payment—or did they? My alarm bells began to ring. I immediately walked around the house looking for this supposed Domino’s box, which would typically be in the recycle bin – not hidden – as Ian is not the best at covert operations. Surprisingly, the evidence was nowhere to be found. All I can conclude is that Ian was probably grinning from ear to ear, scarfing his cheese pizza in his bed ( the box was still in there). Why wouldn’t one eat pizza? In bed? At midnight?
My next thought was where did he get the $80? He has his own wallet but usually has only about five dollars to his name. Money simply burns a hole in his pocket. The moment he has any green, he wants to spend it as quickly as possible -on a toy from Target that cost $30 (because that makes sense) or a new skin for Fortnite (of which he has far too many). I texted his math teacher to suggest that maybe a review of money might be a good idea.
Turns out, Mason is an upstanding delivery man who reached out to us to make sure to give us the extra money back. Chad thanked him for his honesty and compensated him well. Ian was an amazing tipper in this instance. Other times, he may only have 50 cents, and in Ian’s world, that’s just as good as 80 bucks..
Jimmy Johns & the 50 cents:
Nick, Ian’s partner in crime, was hanging with Ian at our house one beautiful summer night. Of course, I will be honest upfront, Nick’s mom, Theresa, and Chad and I were not in supervisory mode this particular night. The boys had really grown up and had proven to be able to chill with each other without getting into too much trouble in the past. Well, we should have known better, after all, they have a sketchy history together of breaking windows while bottle flipping and crushing Nick’s glasses so he cannot see.
As parents do, who forget the children are inside, the three of us sat on our patio, chatting the night away sipping our drinks. We were oblivious to the master minds and what they were brewing just steps away from us. Between bottles of wine, we made sure to lay out a feast complete with beef, potatoes, vegetable and milk – enough for 4 boys their size. But what we did not count on is that they are “growing boys,” according to Ian. They simply needed more food, despite the buffet they had plowed through just a half hour earlier. So they -instigated by Ian for sure- decided to take it upon themselves to ring up Jimmy Johns to order more grub. I’ll give them credit for making a great choice, as they are ‘freaky fast!’ While this mischievous behavior is going on, a few more drinks are poured and stories shared with no inkling of what’s being delivered to our door.
An hour or two later, we come back in, clean up and begin to plan the extraction- it is not easy to get these boys to say goodbye. As Teresa is gathering Nick’s items, she opens Nick’s bag and there inside is a full Jimmy John’s sandwich and a soda! Turns out Ian convinced Nick that they were still hungry, so they used Siri to call from Chad’s cell phone (perhaps Chad didn’t learn his lesson here to hide his phone) to order two foot-long sandwiches and of course two jumbo, sugary sodas.
I can only imagine the look on the delivery guy’s face when the door opens, and there stands two devious looking boys, with extra chromosomes and big smirks on their faces, And the kicker, they only had 50 cents.
We would love to hear about your stories of celebrations — the expectations and realities of these events that can rattle us, make us cry, and make us laugh, all at once.
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