Ian is still working on composing good sentences, asking appropriate questions and being able to carry on a conversation.  Most kids have this ability during the early elementary years. This presents a challenging for us, as we do not always know what he is really thinking.

Lately when I am frustrated with him, I take a step back, put myself in his shoes and look at life through his eyes.

If Ian could share his thoughts and feelings, I think this is what he would want me to know:


Dear Mom,

I am your son.  Maybe not the son you may have expected, or a son like other sons your friends have, but I am YOURS.

I am a boy with an extra chromosome, and that makes me uniquely who I am.

I am 14, but many times I act four, but I can’t help it.


I am proud of how I look, even though I have Alopecia and am losing my hair. I do not understand why.

I am proud of how I can bike really fast, even though I still need training wheels.

I am proud to be on the cross country team, even though I am almost always the last kid to cross the finish line.

I am proud to be Grace’s little brother, even though I embarrass her sometimes.

I am proud of my reading and math progress, even though I am only at a 2nd grade level.


I love sports and being active, though I do not always understand the need to follow the rules.

I love being with other kids, though I sometimes act mean or selfish.  

I love doing things on my own, but sometimes you stop me because it is not right.

I love to talk with you. I know it bothers you because I ask the same questions, but I do not have that many.

I love school, though I wish I could go to class on my own, without an aide always watching me.

I love to have a sitter with me at home so you can work, but sometimes I just want to be alone.


I see what other kids my age can do and wonder why I am not allowed to.

I see kids hanging out at the playground with no parent, or going to sleepovers, but not me.

I see other kids with cell phones and freedom that I cannot experience yet.  That bugs me.

I see how other kids stay home alone, or go around the neighborhood by themselves, but I always have someone with me.


Some of these things make me sad and confused, but I do not know how to tell you, so sometimes I misbehave, or call you names or act like I don’t care.

I feel like any other 14 year old.  My body is changing and I am trying to be a ‘big’ boy.

Through my eyes I am no different, yet I know I am.


Right now, I need YOU.

I need you to let go a little bit and let me see what I can do.

I need you to worry less about what my future may bring, because I know I can do anything.

I need you to spend more time with me, even though I know you are tired of ‘playing’ with a little kid.

I need you to accept me. 

I need you to see me.

And I need you to love me exactly for who I am, because I DO!


Love, Ian


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3 replies
  1. Josie Cramer
    Josie Cramer says:

    This was written so beautifully, it brought tears to my eyes! When I worked with Ian, there were times where I would have to step back and try my best to look at things from his point of view. Although sometimes it was challenging, it made me more understanding and empathetic towards Ian. He is a special kiddo and he is so lucky to have you as his mom! 🙂

  2. Kate Honerman
    Kate Honerman says:

    So beautifully expressed Lisa, and such a good reminder for all moms of special needs kids. Ian is so amazing, and with his initiative and personality, he will accomplish whatever he sets his mind to! Plus he has two loving parents to give him wings. 😊

  3. Teresa Lockbaum
    Teresa Lockbaum says:

    Oh man – all the feels from this post my friend! You nailed it. I know that is what our boys are thinking. At the same time that it makes me sad, it makes me so damn proud that even with all these feelings that they cannot express, they are amazing humans that bring joy to everyone they know. Thanks for putting it into words!


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